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Dating Secrets for Men - Understand Women Psychology and Become a Better Best Version of Yourself

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Dating Secrets for Men - Understand Women Psychology and Become a Better Best Version of Yourself

Why should I date?

And what’s it got to do with becoming the best version of myself?

As of February 2022, there are about 7.8 billion people in the world. From that number, about 51 percent are male, and 49 percent are female. The ratio is quite balanced, isn’t it?

It shouldn’t be so hard to find a girl! Wrong. Of course, it’s not easy.

Think about the differences in preference, religion, occupation, location, and plan. There are so many factors to consider to land a date, and ultimately find the right partner for you.

If you do find a lady you’re interested in, you also have to try and figure out what exactly is going on in their head!

Dating Secrets for Men - Understand Women Psychology and Become a Better Best Version of Yourself
Dating Secrets for Men - Understand Women Psychology and Become a Better Best Version of Yourself

Chapter 1 - Where am I among the fish in the sea?

Knowing yourself and making yourself attractive

Depending on where you are in the world, the number of single people would vary. One constant reality though is that no matter where you are, you have to know yourself in order to find a partner.

Imagine this scenario. You are doing your regular grocery shopping, and you have a sudden craving for chocolates.

You walk into the chocolate aisle and get hit by numerous chocolate brands and flavors. Milk, dark, white, matcha, strawberry, candy-coated, caramelfilled, wafer-filled, with rice crispies, with nougat—the list of options goes on and on.

How do you choose?

The dating scene is pretty much like the chocolate aisle. No, it’s the whole grocery store. You are presented with lots of choices, but it will boil down to you choosing what you want and need.

If you know your preferences and priorities, making your purchase shouldn’t be difficult.

Similarly, you can look at yourself as one of the many chocolates. How do you stand out so that the shopper will choose you?

In business-speak, what is your competitive edge to reach your target market?

In layman’s language, how do you get the girl you like to choose you?

The Law of Attraction and the Reality Check

The law of attraction is a belief similar to manifestation. The kind of thoughts you have determine what kind of experience you’ll get.

In a nutshell, what you think of, the universe will provide. Applied to dating, the kind of girl you think of will be the kind of match you’ll get. Sounds promising, right?

But hey, before you get too excited, you’ve got to sit down first. It’s not just about thinking happy thoughts. Just because you think of Scarlett Johansson, doesn’t mean you’ll get her!

In fact, even psychologists are on a divide about it, with some arguing that the law of attraction does not exist!

If that’s the case, why are we talking about it?

Well, regardless of whether the law of attraction is true or not, dating and relationships require you to think about what you want, and try to make it happen!

Before you go on a swiping spree on dating apps, think of your answers to these questions:

1. What kind of relationship am I looking for?

2. What expectations and boundaries do I have for that ideal relationship?

3. What traits should a girl have to fit into that ideal relationship?

4. What are my deal-breakers and non-negotiables?

5. How much time can I dedicate when I begin dating?

6. Am I being reasonable for what I’m asking?

The questions above are so simple, but without thinking about them before heading to the dating scene, it’s easy to lose track of what you really want and need.

The first three questions are all about narrowing down what you want.

Remember, there are billions of girls out there! Even if you meet ten girls in one day, you wouldn’t be able to get to know them all in your whole lifetime! Plus, that wouldn’t be logistically and economically feasible.

But my point is, the possibilities are endless for all the single people. That’s why it’s important to know what you’re looking for.

What kind of relationship am I looking for?

Friendship, hook up, date, relationships? Be honest with yourself and act accordingly. Nothing is sexier than a man who knows what he wants and goes after it.

Not everyone wants the same thing—even women.

Not all women are in a rush to wear that white down and walk down the aisle. In fact, the trend nowadays is for them to enjoy being single. The days wherein girls are hung up on weddings are long gone! So no, don’t lie to yourself and say you want a romantic relationship just because you want to get laid.

Honesty, honesty, honesty, my friend. Honesty goes a long way when it comes to dating.

What expectations and boundaries do I have for that ideal relationship?

In addition, you have to know what set-up matches the relationship you’re looking for. How would you describe it? What are your boundaries for this type of relationship?

Among the most common problems that occur nowadays is the mismatched expectations once you’re actually in a relationship, including non-romantic ones.

I’ve had friends tell me that their partners became too demanding and clingy when it was supposed to be a casual set-up. When I asked them if they were clear that they weren’t into a casual-thing-that-could-lead-to-a-seriousrelationship set-up, oftentimes I get that “oh shit” look. And I know, bro, boundaries and expectations weren’t set in the first place.

Again, be clear on what are your expectations and boundaries with your relationship. It’s not just for you; it’s for her too. Don’t waste each other’s time and energy figuring out where things are heading.

If expectations aren’t set, girls will analyze your actions. They’ll rack their heads thinking whether what you said or did has a meaning. Imagine being in their shoes.

You have a girl whom you like, but you can’t figure out her feelings. Does she want something casual or serious? Is it too much to chat with her every day? Should you bring flowers on your date? Should you have sex? Will she find it a turn-off if you tell her your feelings?

These are little thoughts that add up each day. Tiring, isn’t it?

Make it easier for the both of you by figuring what you want before everything escalates.

What traits should a girl have to fit into that ideal relationship?

Finally, the third question is about your ideal partner. Given the kind of relationship that you want, what’s your ideal girl?

What does she look like? What kind of lifestyle does she need to have? What does she have to be okay with? How much time do you want from her? And if you’re looking for a serious relationship, what values does she need to have?

It’s best if you list down all the things you want.

Okay, this chapter is all about the law of attraction and the reality check. We’ve established your wants, the things that you want the universe to provide you with.

Now, we break them. Yes, we’re going to crush that list with some reality check.

We have three more questions left, right? They’re there for balance. You’ve got to manage your expectations.

Everyone wants the girl of their dreams! Who doesn’t? But as with anything you want, aiming high won’t be enough. We’ve got to be realistic too.

What are my deal-breakers and non-negotiables?

Remember your list of the girl of your dreams? Retrieve that again and highlight your deal-breakers and non-negotiables.

Let me guess. The deal-breakers and non-negotiables mostly have to do with personality and attitude, right?

If you’re looking into hookups, there might be a little more on the physical appearance there. If you’re into something serious, there would definitely be more on values.

Remember what you wrote once you’re beginning to meet girls. You know what you want and need now. Everything else is just nice-to-haves. Stick to your list.

How much time can I dedicate when I begin dating?

This one’s pretty simple. You might want a serious relationship, but if your work bleeds into your personal time frequently, it’s not going to work.

Always be realistic when it comes to your lifestyle. Dating takes time and effort. It’s not even just about taking care of yourself and planning dates. It’s making sure your girl knows you’re there, you care, you think about her, even if you’re not physically present.

Really, how much time can you dedicate when you begin dating? What compromises are you willing to make with your lifestyle to accommodate a person in your life?

Am I being reasonable for what I’m asking?

Once you’ve gone through everything, the ultimate reality check is this: Am I being reasonable for what I’m asking.

Everyone wants the perfect girl, but where are you right now? Do you think she’ll want to date you?

Do not sell yourself short, but don’t ask for too much as well. If you feel like you’re not enough yet, then work on yourself.

Dating isn’t merely a game of attraction. It’s about working on yourself to become the kind of guy that the girl of your dreams deserves and that you’d be proud of. As weird as it sounds, dating is a kind of personality development too, a fun one at that.

There you have it. Six questions to start off. There’s a lot more coming.

Law of attraction, folks. Think of what you want and attract that positivity into your life. But! Always pair it with a reality check. After all, you don’t always get what you want.

The Science of Attraction

Aside from the law of attraction, there is another term that psychologists have coined when it comes to dating, it’s called the “science of attraction.”

In an article[3] by writer and social psychology professor, Viren Swami, he listed down three factors that contribute to forging meaningful and beneficial relationships according to the science of attraction:

1. Location matters.

2. Love tends to be blind.

3. We are attracted to the familiar.

We’ll go through Mr. Swami’s points one by one.

First, according to the science of attraction, location matters. This will

explain why those dating apps limit your possible matches depending on your location and set reach.

More than the dating apps, however, the importance of proximity should be connected to the need for interaction early on in the relationship.

When you’re trying to get to know a person, you would want to meet her frequently. By going out, you get to see a person’s traits more. But if she lives far away, time and money can be a problem.

Not everyone can afford and will exert effort to meet with a person who’s out of their league—proximity-wise.

So yes, love will make you go the distance, but dating most probably wouldn’t. Unless you have a lot of time and money on your hands, by all means, go ahead and meet that girl you really like on the other side of the country.

Second, love tends to be blind. This can be shown in two ways.

First, there is a tendency for new couples to see their partners through rosecolored glasses. Mr. Swami calls this the “love is blind bias.” Couples are less objective because of their attraction to their partners.

Second, love tends to be blind because our judgment gets clouded by

reciprocity. We tend to get attracted to people who already like us. Less risk of rejection, right?

So always be careful when making judgments. Recognize when you’re simply being drawn in by the newness of your relationship or by the attention and admiration another person is giving you.

Lastly, we are attracted to the familiar. Opposites do not attract. At least that’s what Mr. Swami said. Which honestly, I agree with.

Whether it's sociodemographics or values, we tend to like people who are similar to us. Closer in age, a similar field of work, aligned political inclinations, same values—these are all at play when it comes to attraction.

Now, why am I saying all of these?

The science of attraction tells us information that may make your dating life easier.

You learned about the law of attraction and the reality check. These are mostly subjective things.

The science of attraction gives you a more objective perspective of looking for a partner. You think about the location. You consider the possibility of biases. And you think about the reality of being attracted to someone similar to you.

While the science of attraction won’t predict how your dating life will end up, it does provide insight on how you should view the beginnings of a relationship.

Knowing and Introducing Yourself

We have been talking about laws and science and reality. Now, we’ll focus on you. After all, you are the man of the hour.

We’re going to let go of the technical stuff for a bit and put the spotlight on you.

One of the hardest things to do is to introduce yourself, isn’t it?

I personally find that tricky. There are just so many things to say! Do you say your job interview spiel? Do you launch your hobby list? Don’t panic, we’ll address that.

Again, let me give you some guide questions.

1. What do you do in terms of your career?

2. What do you like doing for leisure?

3. What are the things you’re good at?

4. What do you usually geek out on or gush about?

5. What activities do you imagine doing with your partner?

You might be wondering, why do I need to answer another batch of questions? I answered a lot of them earlier already! Remember the first part of this chapter?

Calm down, bro. It’s not just for you; it’s for the potential girl too.

First off, you don’t need to list it down. Just think about it. Later on, these can become conversation starters.

Second, knowing the answers to these questions help you filter out the keepers among the sea of beauties.

And I tell you, once you see the pretty single ladies within your vicinity, it will be hard not to take a chance on them.

You’ve got to know what you like so that once you find out the girl you’d like to talk to or are talking to doesn’t have the same interests as you do, you can both courteously move on.

As to how that’s done, we’ll cover it in the next chapters.

Chapter 2 - It’s that thing called dating

Understanding dating and relationships and the requisites

I know you’re itching to get to the dating field, but hold up. Hold up, hold up.

I’m excited to share with you the secrets to flirting and dating women too, but we have to lay down the ground rules.

I’m not letting you go on the battlefield unarmed, soldier! First things first. We have to cover the basics foremost.

This will be the shortest chapter in this book because it’s meant to give you a peek into your life-changing journey—the journey on how to become the best version of yourself through understanding women and tackling the dating scene.

We’re going to be looking at the dating and relationship stages and timelines. Plus, we’re going to evaluate whether or not you’re truly ready by managing your expectations when it comes to what will truly happen on the field.

Are you ready? Are you excited? Well, you should be. You’re going to be in one heck of a battle, and I’ll be right there beside you.

The Relationship Stages a.k.a. The flow of your friendly and romantic pursuit

As a mature and independent man, you should already know that there’s no one perfect formula to relationships, right?

No single accurate and precise solution. There are, however, more effective and logical approaches that this book contains.

Given these approaches, your relationship will most probably go a certain flow with five stages namely:

1. Initiation

2. Experimentation

3. Intensifying

4. Integration

5. Bonding

If you had gone out on dates or had a girlfriend before, these are stages you should be familiar with.

In fact, you probably know them. You’re just not aware that there are technical terms to them. But in order to move forward, we have to be reminded of what you’ll go through in the next weeks or months.

The first stage is initiation. Initiation is the moment you make a first impression, the first move.

Whether it’s online or offline, the moment you approach or get in touch with someone, and it creates an impression, that’s initiation.

Now, unless you’re pressed for time, you have to make the initiation work for you. As with all things, you want to be memorable in a good way by creating a great first impression.

A quick tip I’m leaving you for now is that timing and ambiance are everything. You can look good and approach in a good way, but without proper timing and vibe, you’re going to lose her.

We’ll know more about initiation in Chapter 3: Only the alpha male wins.

The second stage is experimentation. Experimentation refers to the interaction after initiation.

At this stage, there is no depth yet to the relationship. You’re still testing the waters if she’s interested or if you have anything in common.

There will be a lot of small talks. This is probably one of the most frustrating parts of getting to know someone simply because there’s not much information available to you yet.

You rack your brain trying to interpret every small detail of your interaction because you don’t know her well enough. Don’t worry, it gets better.

The same with initiation, part of the experimentation stage will be discussed in Chapter 3 and will cross over to Chapter 4: That Special Connection.

Once you learn more about the woman you like, you move into the intensifying stage.

The intensifying stage pertains to the deeper getting to know. You spend more time together, engaging in more meaningful conversations.

That initial butterflies in the stomach are on the verge of becoming an overflowing dam of attraction. You want to be closer emotionally and physically.

As you talk, you begin to see your similarities and differences, your mutual interests, and hopefully, your shared passions and aligned values too.

There’s already a budding hope for you by now. You are slowly and steadily building the relationship, and it’s not just your logic that does the evaluation.

Your gut and your emotions create their own judgment of whether it is a relationship worth pursuing or not too.

The intensifying stage is covered in Chapter 4 and extends to Chapter 5: Fanning the Flame.

After your relationship has intensified and you’re convinced that the woman you’re dating is someone you want to bring into your circle, integration happens.

Integration is when your world and her world converge. You have shared interests and the same opinion. You do things together.

The frequency of your going out almost turns you into the same person. You’re almost merging.

Like a Venn diagram, your circles overlap. Once you find yourself on the stage of integration, you’ll have to take care of both yourself and the relationship.

Download "Dating Secrets for Men" Full Version

Chapter 1 - Where am I among the fish in the sea?

Chapter 2 - It’s that thing called dating

Chapter 3 - Only the alpha male wins

Chapter 4 - That Special Connection

Chapter 5 - Fanning the flame

Chapter 6 - One in billions

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